To become a better parent, you need to understand how you parent now. This quiz will help. Even if your child is older or younger than the child in the example, answer based on what you think you would do.
Your child is throwing a major tantrum in the grocery store because she wants a free cookie. You say no, it's just before dinner. Everyone is staring at you while the bakery clerk holds out the treat. You:
Let her have the cookie.
Quickly walk out of the store and say, "Honey, I know you would like a cookie. But it's almost dinnertime, and a cookie will spoil your appetite. Please stop crying."
Take her by the hand, go to a quiet place where you sit until she is calm and ready to re-enter the store.
Give her a smack on the bottom and say, "Stop this behavior right now, young lady!"
You overhear your children are fighting over a toy. Suddenly, you hear a scream. One yells, "He took my toy!" The other yells, "He started it!" You:
Mumble to yourself, "Why can't these kids ever get along?"
Listen to the details, then discipline the wrongdoer.
Suggest they work it out together.
Send one or both to their rooms for a time out.
Your child wants to go outside and play. You say no, it's almost dinnertime. He says, "Oh, please!" You say no again. He says, "I promise I'll only play for 10 minutes and I'll come right in. Please?" You:
Say. "OK. But make sure you're back in 10 minutes."
Tell him you want everyone to sit down to dinner together. Your child says there are still 15 minutes before dinner, and he'll play right in the back yard. You say, "OK, just come when I call."
Say, "You may play outside after dinner." When your child continues to plead, you repeat, "You may play outside after dinner."
Say, "Stop nagging me." When your child continues to whine, you say, "That's it. Go to your room. No TV for you tonight."
Your child dawdles and loses track of the time and misses the school bus. You:
Drive her to school.
Drive her to school and explain it's important to be organized and follow a morning routine. Extract a promise for better cooperation tomorrow.
This wouldn't happen. You have a very specific morning routine that everyone adheres to.
Say, "That's what you get for dawdling. Now you'll have to walk to school. Get your coat."
Your toddler is constantly touching the control knobs on the stereo, after you have repeatedly say no. Tired of the battle, You:
Ignore him. He's not going to hurt the stereo anyway.
Buy him a toy stereo to play with.
Move the stereo to a higher shelf.
Smack his hand every time he touches the knobs. He will learn to leave it alone.
Your child is 6 years old. As usual, you walk into the family room to see toys and books littering every square inch. You've had enough of this mess. You:
Take a deep breath and start cleaning.
Explain that you cannot live with the mess anymore. Ask him for suggestions to solve the ongoing problem.
Say, "Toys belong in the toy box and books belong on the shelf. I expect this room to be straightened out before dinner."
Grab a garbage bag and start filling it while yelling, "I've had enough! This stuff is going to the trash!"
It's 11:30 p.m. Your 10-year-old is sleeping. You notice that the dog still has not been fed dinner or taken outside. This is a daily problem. You:
Feed and walk the dog while muttering angrily about your child's lack of responsibility.
Do it yourself. In the morning, you talk to your child about the responsibilities of pet ownership.
Feed the dog and let him outside. The next day, you help your child create a daily chart as a reminder. You include a consequence for failure to do the job, and put the plan into action.
Wake your child up and say, "Get downstairs and feed and walk your dog! I'm sick and tired of having to do it for you."
Your 8-year-old's goldfish dies because it has not been fed. Feeding the fish is your child's responsibility. Your child is lying on the sofa sobbing. You:
Say, "Please don't cry, honey. I'll buy you another goldfish. I'll even buy you two new goldfish!"
Feel guilty because you didn't feed the fish for your child.
Sit beside your child and say, "It sure can be sad to lose a pet." You show sadness for your child, but this is one of those lessons of life that just have to be learned.
Say, "Maybe this will teach you to take some responsibility for your chores. If you'd fed your fish, it wouldn't have died."
For the second time this month, your 10-year-old loses his school notebook. You:
Buy him another one, and ask him to be more careful.
Talk to him about responsibility. Explain the cost of a new notebook. Teach him how to take better care of his property.
Let him use loose-leaf paper for now, and save up his allowance to buy a new notebook.
Take away a privilege like watching TV or playing outside.
Several of your 17-year-old son's friends have pierced their nostrils, and now proudly display nose rings. Your son wants to pierce his nose, too. You:
Say no, but he does it anyway.
Say no. But he asks you every day and promises he'll never wear it at school or family gatherings. He promises it will just be a small one. You say OK.
Tell him you don't like the idea, and explain why, but tell him that he needs to make his own decision.
Absolutely forbid it! No son of yours is going to wear a nose ring!
It's Saturday and it's raining outside. Your 6-year-old wants to go out and play in the puddles. You:
Say no. Then she tells you that the neighbor kids are outside, and she'll be careful and it's only drizzling, anyway. You say OK.
Tell her she'll have to wait until the rain stops. Then find something else to occupy her.
Say, "Sure. Please get a towel and some dry clothes, and put them by the door for when you come in."
Say, "You silly kid. It's raining out. Go find something to do inside."
You walk into the room and catch your 3-year-old writing on the wall in crayon. You:
Say, "Oh, dear! You're not supposed to write on the walls! Go play in the living room while I clean this up!"
Say, "What a mess! It's my fault for leaving you in here with crayons and no paper. Please don't do this again."
Say firmly, "We do not write on walls. We write on paper. Let's get a sponge, and you can help me wash the crayon off the wall."
Slap her hand while yelling, "No! Bad girl!" and send her to her room.
From Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and
Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate by Elizabeth Pantley;New Harbinger Publications
